City Council Bans Prius and Bike

Corvallis City Council has taken a stand against the “statement car” of a generation. The Toyota Prius is facing a full street ban, effective immediately.

Council members cited general citizen complaint and a street beautification campaign as the motivating factors behind the decision. Officials called the Prius “a visual blight.”

Citizens at the meeting held strong opinions. The leader of the Anti-Prius Coalition had this to say: “We get it, you’re saving the environment one push of the pedal at a time. But I don’t need to be stuck behind you in traffic because you’re trying to charge your car’s battery on the highway. This is the best decision City Council has made in a long time.”

While Prius owners thought they could flee to their bikes for solace, City Council made sure to point out the first addendum to the Prius ban, which calls for a full street ban of bikes as well. This means anything from a pedicab to your child’s tricycle. A statement about the addendum reads as follows: “Bikers’ entitlements end here. No longer will you have to worry about what is coming ‘on your left.’ This ban will make walks across the city a much safer and enjoyable endeavor for all.”

Regardless of your feelings about both modes of transportation, it must be stated that safety on the streets will inevitably increase with these regulations. With the ever-changing speed of Prius drivers “saving the environment” and the chaotic bike riders removed from the roads, citizens can finally rest easy.

~Nathan Hermanson